Shock and Aaw

Ever since we brought Nathan home, we have experienced many occasions of shock and aaw. SHOCK:


Sam ACTUALLY LOVES his baby brother! For now, at least.

And then there's the AAW:


As in, "AAW, isn't that the CUTEST little baby?"

And he's so cute, let's see him dipped in chocolate:

And a little black and white action:

Yep. Still cute!

But, lest we forget his big brother, my darling first born child:

I say that deserves and "AAW", too.

We're trying to adjust to life with two kids, one who wakes up frequently during the night. And the baby, too. HA! Apparently, I have two little night owl children.
Because Nathan snoozes all day long only to wake up, eat, pee on his clothes, and go back to sleep. But from 8 to 10 PM he's wide awake, flailing, kicking, cooing, and looking around. Just like his big brother. Guess they both take after their night owl mama.

Basically, since Nathan came home, we've been hanging around and getting to know one another.

Nathan's been hanging out on the couch watching TV with his big brother.


Trying to eat his mama.


And looking all together too adorable for words.


Every day I look at him and I can't believe that he's mine. Forever. And ever.

I can't believe that I am the mother of two cute, sweet, adorable boys.



I can't believe that I am this blessed in life. And I can't believe I don't spend every moment of my day thanking God for giving me these precious gifts. So I'm saying it now. Thank you, God. I am not worthy, but I am grateful beyond all measure.

Home Sweet Home

Today was the day. Today we went to court to bring Nathan home forever.

Today was a tough day. Today we petitioned to terminate the rights of his birth parents and we petitioned to begin the process to adopt Nathan.

As a mom, it was a hard moment. You do feel a little guilty terminating the rights of the birth parents.

After all, most of the time the only people you hear whose parental rights were terminated were dead beat, horrible, abusive parents whose kids got "taken away" by DHS.

Not so, in our case.

Nathan had birth parents who loved him. Nathan had birth parents who CHOSE to end their right as parents and then CHOSE us to be his parents. Forever.

It's a humbling experience.

And after 15 days, it was finally here.

The emotion of the last 15 days, heck, the last month, since we found out he was on his way, have been tough. They've been nerve-wracking. They've been exhausting. They've been dragging out for what seems like forever.

I must admit I did cry a lot during the proceedings. Not bawling, sobbing tears, mind you. Those leaky tears you get during a chick flick, a Hallmark commercial, or a St. Jude's telethon. I just could not believe that after everything Nathan was going to be ours.

It really was a touching, emotional time. Even if the judge, Judge Sherry (I still can't tell if that her last name or if she's hip like "Judge Judy") made the proceedings light and comfortable for us. Even Wayne shed a tear or twenty. And that made me love him even more. What a big softie my tough army man can be.
So, after 30 minutes the hearing was done. And Nathan is on his way to being ours.

For the next 6 months we will be followed by our adoption agency and the courts, to make sure we are "fit parents" for Nathan. After that 6 month period of time, we will go back to court one more time and then it will officially be official. Nathan Daniel Bowen will legally be ours forever.

Are we sweating the next 6 months? Nah. Unless we decide to take up a life of crime, commit a few felonies, and cook something in our kitchen besides food, we're good to go. It's just a formality, and one we welcome because we really love the people at our adoption agency. They have given us a wonderful, supportive experience during this whole journey to bring Nathan home. Even more positive than the first time around.

Such a good experience that I asked "So, when can we adopt another one?"

To which Wayne about choked on his gum. According to him, he's going to be 59 when Nathan graduates from high school. To which I informed him it's not my fault he's older than me and it took so darned long to become parents. And then we tabled the discussion, whether it was half-hearted or not, because we got to take home this guy:

Home. Right where he belongs. And he's never leaving again!

Sam joined in on Nathan's supper time. Mainly, he wanted to test-ride the Boppy pillow, his favorite hang out as an infant.

Don't come between this boy and his bottle. Quite like his brother, that one.

Nathan gave a little test-drive to the swing. Yep, the batteries still work from 4 years ago. They keep going, and going, and going... And Sam used the heck out of this swing, too, when he was a baby. Big brother and little brother are a lot a like!

To help win him over, Nathan "gave" a present to his big brother: balloons! Sam's favorite thing! And, in a month, they'll be tossed in the trash and I won't have to worry about one more toy or stuffed animal getting in my way. Sam, though, questioned how Nathan was able to choose his present, since he never opens his eyes. He's got a point, that kid. He's a sharp one. Just hope he doesn't start questioning the whole Santa Claus business!

So, since wee Nathan is fed, changed, and tucked in to his little bed, I am going to go catch a few minutes of sleep before I'm sure he'll wake up demanding his yummy bottle. And I am so thankful for every single sleepless moment I'll have! For now.

Speedbumps

Just when we thought we were trucking along with our plans, life decided to throw us a little bump in the road.

Nathan was born earlier than thought. But at least now we get to have him for Christmas.

With him being born on a Monday, there was good chance we would have been to court within a week.

But he decided to aspirate meconium and develop an infection.

Which required him to stay until the next Monday.

Which means that we wouldn't get to court for a while because of the holiday.

Then Nathan decided to come down with MRSA, the very serious form of a staph infection.

Which means he'll spend at least until Tuesday in the hospital.

Which means we'll be squeaking in a petition to the courts before the holiday.

Which means more time I have to worry about his birth parents changing their mind and reclaiming him.

He's on antibiotics for a week which are ototoxic.

Which makes this mama who minored in audiology just a little bit paranoid.

Since Nathan's birth I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions. Elation to sadness to fearful to joyful.

I wonder sometimes why these things are happening.

And sometimes, there's just no reason.

This isn't because God's punishing me. He's not in that sort of business. This is not a lesson in patience. This is not a sign that this adoption will fall through.

Sometimes, bad things just happen. Sometimes, we have to take the good with the bad.

I did get to hold Nathan. I got to feed him and rock him. I sang him show tunes and smelled his head. Even though I could not feel his soft little skin because I had to wear gloves, I stroked and rubbed it anyway.

When I picked him up and held him for the first time in days, I said "Hi,baby. Mama's finally here."

He opened his dark little eyes. Stared at me. Smiled and sighed. And went back to sleep.

And for a little while, all is right in the world.

Please pray tonight that the Lord heal his little body. Pray that no more infections and illnesses attack his little body. Pray that the legal process goes quickly and smoothly for us. Because this little boy deserves to be home with his family.

And his family desires nothing more than to have him home with them. Forever.

Get Your Spoons Ready

Because you're going to just want to eat him up!

May I introduce the cutest, sweetest, cuddliest baby on the planet?

Seriously, can't you just eat him up? He's too adorable.

He had a rough, fast, delivery face up, so his little face is bruised and swollen like he's gone a few rounds in a prize fight. And he just did not want to open his eyes. He would only peek one open, smile, and drift back to sleep with a little "squeak" and a smile.

"Hi, folks. My name is Nathan. You'll be seeing a lot of me. Just thought I'd introduce myself."

Just hanging out with mama and daddy.

Snuggling with mama. This boys LOVES to be snuggled and will squeak and cry if we dare put him down. I do love a snuggly baby.

Daddy/son bonding time. Aren't men holding the babies the cutest thing ever?

Getting a cuddle from our AMAZING case worker, Tiffany. She has been a God-send through this whole confusing and emotional time. Her prayers and love have really held us up during tough moments.

Holding hands with mama.

Holding hands with daddy. He just didn't want to let go of either of us. And the feeling is mutual.

"Good bye folks. Night-night. Gonna get some sleep now."

It was so hard leaving him. But knowing that he is not seriously ill and seeing how much love and care and attention the hospital staff give to him made it easier. It's like they dote on him more because his story is such a special one. And I'm going back this weekend to spend some good mama/son time together just holding him and rocking him and piling on the love and kisses.

Right now he has to stay in the hospital on IV antibiotics until at least next Monday. They don't know what is making him sick, but their best guess is some sort of infection. He's doing well and if he wasn't in that room with an IV you wouldn't even know he was sick.

Unfortunately, we can't get a court date until both biological parents sign consent (which will hopefully be in the next day or two) and until he is discharged from the hospital. After he is discharged he will go in to interim care with our adoption agency until we go to court. After the hearing he will officially and legally be ours forever! But sadly, we won't be able to get a date until at least the week after Thanksgiving.

In the mean time, we will wait and pray. We will be able to get his room ready for him and get the house ready for Christmas.

It's hard being away from him for the next few weeks. But we will have a whole life time to make it up to him. In the mean time, I just stare at that cute little face of his and wait for the moments when I can hold him again.

A Baby Story

So, we made it to Kansas City alive, despite driving through 6 hours of rain to get here.

We were able to spend good time with the baby and the birth mother, though not as much as we wanted today.

Sorry, no pictures allowed. Technically he is considered a foster child, and the hospital does not allow us to take any pictures of him. But we know how cute he is. And trust me, he is. He has strawberry blond hair and a cute little dimple in his chin. He has that sweet new baby smell and has the cutest little squeaky cry.

Poor baby is a little sick right and is in the NICU. At first they thought he aspirated meconium but they don't believe so now. It appears to be nothing serious, they think, but he has to stay there for about 72 hours while they complete tests to find out what is wrong with him. So, please pray for the baby and that his little body be healed soon. There were so many babies in that nursery tonight who were tinier and in much worse shape, so we are blessed.

Also, please pray that everything goes smoothly when it comes to paper work and legal proceedings. The birth father right now is being difficult and not wanting to sign without talking to the birth mom again, but he won't get in contact with her. It's all a big pain and the longer he draws it out the more this sweet boy has to stay away from us. So please pray for a change of heart for him.

Basically, right now we have no clue what is going on, when the baby will be released from the hospital, when we get to go to court, and when we get to bring him home. But we know that one look at him and we just knew that he was meant to be ours. And we pray for the day when we can bring him home forever. In the mean time, we covet your prayers.

Breaking News

THIS JUST IN:

Um, our birth mother has gone in to labor.

Yikes, just a few weeks a head of schedule, but those babies are unpredictable.

Now, I'm not going to fully panic until that baby's out, because you never know. But, they're pretty sure it's real labor and not false labor. After all, they don't just give an epidural for the heck of it, do they?

So, um, pray for us. Pray for Danielle. Pray for this whole situation to go as planned.

I'll keep you posted!

UPDATE:

He's here!!!!!!!!!

Nathan Daniel was born at 9 PM after very little labor. He weighed 8 pounds even, he has reddish blond hair, and is perfect! We are heading to Kansas City tomorrow to meet him and we can not wait! We have NOTHING ready AGAIN! What is it with our kids and surprising us with their arrivals? But, in a few short days, we will welcome this little boy home forever.

I'm going to try to get some sleep now, because I will not be getting much for who knows how long! Keep praying!

B is for Baby Boy

So, let me fill you in on the story of our impending arrival.

Last spring (2008) we decided that we really did want more children. So, since our insurance covered it, we decided to try in vitro ONE MORE TIME. After all, third time's the charm!

My doctor tried me out on newer, high dose, potent fertility drugs. Kinda like suddenly growing the reproductive system of Michelle Duggar.

Those potent drugs, hormones, steroids, and antibiotics cause you to gain 20 pounds in 1 month. 20 pounds that never go away. (Do the math: 3 IVF procedures X 20 pounds = 60 pounds gained since trying to become a mama. FUN!)

I am textbook perfect every time I undergo IVF. But, alas, they never work. Good uterus, bad DNA, I guess.

So, with strikeout #3, we decide that we are ready to adopt again. However, we then find out that we will be moving at the end of summer. So, we wait until we move and get settled to start the process again.

We contact our adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, and apply to their domestic infant program in Missouri. We have our first meeting in October and begin the piles of paperwork, background checks, home studies, meetings, doctor visits, and financial history.

By March we are finished with the application process and we are approved for the domestic infant program. We are then put on the "waiting list" here.

We decide to start praying daily for this child. Because the first two years we were waiting for Sam we never really prayed for it. So we began to ask God for a baby by Christmas. Heck, God doesn't care if you get specific and give a deadline!

Now, some of you may not realize that most adoption agencies don't function like a deli. "Couple #24, your baby is ready."

Now days, it is the birth parent's choice in who will be the parents of their child. And we wouldn't have it any other way, because never to we want to worry that they regretted their decision. We want them to be at peace and know that they made the best choice for their child.

What typically happens is a birth mother and/or father comes to the agency expressing their desire for help in making a birth plan for their unborn child. Our agency does so much to help these birth mothers, both before and after the birth of their child. The council them, help them get medical and housing assistance, if needed. They want to minister to them as much as possible, because you can not imagine what a difficult situation they are in.

Many birth parents choose to parent their child. And our agency continues to help them as much as they need. They don't drop them just because they are not going through with an adoption plan.

However, when the birth parent has made the decision to create an adoption plan for their child, they then ask us, the dozen waiting families, if we are interested in having our profile shown to them. We are given the situation of the birth parent and the baby. We know race, gender, medical information. We then choose if we are willing to be considered as adoptive parents for this baby. Some, we have not, and many we have. It's all based on what we are comfortable with and what we desire.

Once the birth mother reviews the profiles and has found a family that she wants to parent her child, we are informed of their decision and we arrange to meet in person and make plans together.

That is not the case with us. Apparently, when it comes to adopting our children, we don't do things by the book.

We received a phone call from our adoption agency on the morning of October 28th. The adoption counselor told me that a birth mother has chosen us. Now, I was quite confused because we had not received an e-mail in a long time asking us if we wanted our profile shown.

It turns out that this birth mother is not one they have been counseling and working with. She decided, on her own, to find adoptive parents for her baby. She found our profile on their Internet site and was drawn to it. She just knew that she wanted us to be the parents for her baby.

The only thing is, she only recently got medical assistance so she has never had an ultrasound. So she had no idea what the gender of the baby is.

And, oh yeah, she's due November 7th. Sorry for the short notice.

I said "Ha! You think that's short notice!" With Sam, we had less than 24 hours. I call 10 days a lifetime to get ready in comparison!

So, we three met her in Kansas City the following week for our match meeting, and it could not have gone better! She is a beautiful woman who looks amazingly just like Sam's birth mother. She and I have so many similarities and things in common is uncanny. Even our wild, hyperactive, showing-out 4 year old did not scare her away from us.

We even got to meet her mother, who is very supportive of her and her decision. We feel blessed beyond blessed. And we knew that in less than a week we would be bringing home another baby!

Can you say freaked out, stressed out mama here!

A few days later, she was able to have an ultrasound where we found out good and bad news.

The good news: definitely a boy! No hiding it.

The bad news: just a little miscalculation on her due date. She's not due November 7th but DECEMBER 7th. Oopsie. Oh well, I understand. I never can remember when my last period was, either.

So, good news in that we no longer had to do a marathon baby shopping spree in anticipation. Having a few more weeks to get ready is just what we needed. We've got to prepare Sam for the harsh reality that he is no longer the center of the universe, you know.

And bad news, because that just gives her or the birth father more time to decide to change their minds. Not that we have ANY feeling that they will do so, mind you. But frankly, you cannot help but hold your breath until the judge signs the papers.

So now we get to wait and anticipate. We get to pick out nursery decorations and take our time perusing the baby aisles, instead of hastily making choices on the way to pick the baby up from the hospital. We get to sit and think up names instead of not deciding on one until our baby had been home for 24 hours. Seriously! For a day Sam was "baby boy".

And in three short weeks (or sooner!) Nathan Daniel Bowen will join our family.

And we will never be the same.

How cool is it, that just when we started praying for a baby, this baby was created. And that this baby will be born during the season in which we celebrate the miracle of the birth of another baby boy.

This, truly, is the season of miracles.